I have been feeling so unworthy lately. In my mind probably starting in about 5th grade I could see where I would be in my thirties. If you were anything like me in the 5th grade your thirties seemed old, I thought I would have it all figured out. I envisioned myself as a cocktail of: My Mom-the ultimate I am not the one, Claire Huxtable-listening to jazz in my silk pajamas with my husband, and Cindy Walsh (yes Brenda’s mom)-the mom that cooked and baked whose home was a place where all the kids always felt welcome. Well here I am and its not looking anything like the pictures I painted in my head; I’m more like Carrie Bradshaw and Mary-Jane Paul! At times it seems like the only thing I can point out are the things I haven’t completed, all the things I can’t seem to accomplish, and pure frustration on trying to determine how I can get down this yellow brick road and get to the dam The Wiz. There isn’t much time to have pity parties even if I want to because I have too much shit to do. These 3 things always help me get out of my own way; and rebuild myself back up.
Ear Candy aka Music. When I was born the first gift my uncle gave me was a radio. No, not a teddy bear or onesie but a radio to play while I while in my crib, he knew me early. Music literally is my best friend have you ever heard the song ‘Radio’ by Beyoncé? Well the jest of the song is the radio is her love and he never lets her down. Whenever I am stressing, feeling discouraged and frustrated I have 3 go to lift me up songs. The first being Praise Him In Advance by Marvin Sapp. The song is about knowing whatever you are worried about will be okay even though the circumstances doesn’t necessarily look that way. Maybe you’re not religious but I am a person of faith so this song makes me recall all the times I thought the inevitable was going to happen but somehow it didn’t happen, therefore I praise him in advance because I have faith this too shall pass. This is my ultimate pull me thru song, and I will play it over and over again-until I start singing, dancing, and clapping because praise will confuse the enemy. Walking by Mary Mary is another, it reminds no matter what mistake I made I need to get right back up and keep walking keep trying. No I am not running but I am taking my time walking trying because continuously trying is a win in itself. My last pull me out the wrenches song is Formation by Beyoncé. Her songs are pretty much the soundtrack to my life. When I hear that song for some odd reason I hear one of the hardest working women telling me personally it is my duty to do my best and nothing less. When I am scared to go into an interview, speak publicly or try something new or anytime where my confidence is shaky I play that song like I am at a pep rally, and I pump myself up and my confidence begins to transform. It reminds me of who I am, and as corny as it sounds I believe it and I start to feel invincible (cue the cape ). I get right into formation of doing my best, being my best, and believing I am the best. Now maybe these songs will do absolutely nothing for you, but the point is for you to think of some songs that always make you feel good and include them in your kryptonite package for your rough days.
*Hit the link to hear my ultimate pull me through song!
Put your energy into how you want to feel, not how you are currently feeling. For some peculiar reason when I was younger and even occasionally now when am feeling sad I want to listen to sad music, watch sad movies, or turn my couch into an island that I am deserted on. As time has gone on, I put more effort in not letting my emotions control my behavior. When I am down I consciously watch or do things the opposite of how I feel. After my mother I died I laughed my way out of daily sadness I watched Bernie Mac every day like clockwork; even when I was crying I was laughing and cracking up. I would be laughing so hard people would come and check on me. It was intentional that everything I did was about positivity, light and humor because that’s where I wanted to be, I always say Bernie Mac helped save me. When I am feeling like there are no real good men in the world and meeting my soul mate seems impossible I am not about to pop popcorn , pour wine and watch Waiting To Exhale or watch Carrie chase Big thru New York City! I am going to watch something full of the love l want, like Oprah’s docu-series Black Love for example (series just started by the way).I listen and watch couples talk about what real love is (real not perfect); when I see a man treating a woman like a queen that has the key to his world it reaffirms that I should not settle for anything less what I deserve. I will lay around all day but when I have had enough I push myself outside to go hiking or simply for a walk around the block. The sun, the flowers, nature, people living and smiling makes me feel incredibly blessed immediately. There is something about nature that naturally makes me feel good; it gives me ultimate serenity. There are days I feel like I should have more in life, not just material things but also intangible things; and somehow I find myself having conversations and insights with people that have more and their stories always include when they didn’t “have more.” That reminds that life is a journey and relax as I travel down the yellow brick road. The theme I would want to impart on you, is don’t wallow! Don’t stay in places you don’t want to be and I don’t mean just physically I also mean spiritually and mentally. You have to make conscious choices about all the energy you choose even if you don’t want to, joy and happiness is a choice that you have to choose to fight for.
Squad Time/ Krew Love. This is so cliché but this is so true. Maybe you have that one friend, maybe it’s a bestie, or your sister, or maybe you have a team- different friends for different purposes in your life. Whatever or whoever your squad is, know they are essential for helping keeping you restored. One of the easiest thing your friends can do is listen. Listening cost neither of you any money. You can do it over the phone, you can have a real tea party with beautiful tea cups and snacks, go to dinner, or just kiki with some cocktails (or without) and have a catch up session. Releasing all the things that are running thru your mind and heart to someone other than yourself can literally take a weight off of you. Your problem may not even be solved,but just sharing it will do things for you, but the key is to know which friend to kiki with. How many times have you put on a new dress or tried a new hair style and you weren’t sure if you loved it? Cue in your man, your babe, your honey that is there to let you know that those 10lbs looks good on you and your thighs looks snackaliscous or that new bob has you looking fresh and sexy. Even when we don’t want it or ask for it all that love we receive builds and pours more light into us. I don’t know about you but when I get with my good friends and shoot the shit lol there is going to be so much laughter that ensues that my face with no exaggeration will literally hurt. Just like you budget your money to prepare you for lean times, you have to budget emotional love because there are lean times as well. The love you constantly pour into other people will be all the love that is returned to you when you need extra love.
Now as I stated at the start of the post I had been feeling unworthy, and an unusual amount of people have come up to me in the course of about a week and tell me how beautiful I am. Not just men, men, women, children, I even caught my son staring at me in the car as I was driving. I asked him why he is he staring at me and he said ‘Because you’re so beautiful Mommy.’ I know that those compliments were not about me physically being beautiful it’s about my heart my energy and my light. I always feel like God and the Universe is always sending me messages that I need. It just reiterates that I am worthy of being happy today I don’t have to wait until I get to The Wiz whatever that means, you know the pressure we create for ourselves. I am worthy today because every day I am trying to be a better me, a better mom, better sister, better friend, a kinder person, I want to grow and be better than I was yesterday BUT I can’t let those pressures drive me crazy either. It’s my responsibility more than anything to be good and loving to myself and always have my back even when the opposition is me. I know I said 3 but pay attention to the signs that are sent to you too. Signs will tell you you’re on the right path down that yellow brick road.
Thank you for stopping by,
Wishing you no pain but Champagne!